On Prayer

There is a point we all come to in life where we must question our loyalties and where they lie. Are you with God, or are you against him? It seems that no matter how hard I try to stay true to one side or the other, I can't manage to maintain any sort of status. Perhaps this is a good thing. It can be argued that constant self reevaluation is a good thing, but in so far as spirituality is concerned, this sort of reflection isn't the goal. The idea of self reevaluation is encompassed within a set gospel of your choosing. Mormons either are or aren't, and because we have living prophets, there is no questioning anything. Yet we're told to. We have to gain a witness for ourselves. What if we gain witness that what they say is wrong? Is it a minor issue? I don't doubt that these men are men inspired by God. It's the stretch of that inspiration that I question. Can they claim to actually talk to God, or are they merely inspired by the IDEA of God?


To answer this I'm required to reflect on my own experiences of inspiration. To mind, I cannot say I've received any definite epiphanies in result of prayer or fasting. Does this mean God doesn't listen or answer? I'm not sure. While answers don't stand out to me as definite, I can't say I haven't received anything. After fervent prayers I have felt a peace at heart. As events unfold, I find that they unfold in the best way possible. They may not always carry through the way I would have had them, but I feel that up to this point in my life everything that has transpired in this short span has been for my benefit. There have been ups and downs. I've been chronically depressed and suicidal. I've been utterly alone and yet happier than ever before. I don't know if these are the answers they talk about, because I don't see the hand of God there.

Prayer in itself is a meditative state wherein I may very well find the answers for myself. Perhaps this is true, even within the bounds of Mormon doctrine. Richard G. Scott said in May 2007 (emphasis added), "Often when we pray... Heavenly Father will give us gentle promptings that require us to THINK, exercise FAITH, WORK, at times STRUGGLE, then ACT. It is a step-by-step process that enables us to discern inspired answers." This suggests to me that prayer is more active than passive on our part. We shouldn't expect to get all the answers directly whether now or later. We should be actively living and working for an answer. He later says in the same talk, "You are asked to look for an answer to your prayers. Obey the Master's council to 'study it out in your mind.' Often you will think of a solution; as you seek confirmation that your answer is right, help will come. It may be through your prayers, or as an impression of the Holy Ghost, and at times by the intervention of others."

I once had an atheist tell me that the problem with Christians was their inability to take credit for themselves. In trying too hard to look selfless, we give the credit to a deity whom we've created in our own image, which is in and of itself selfish. Contrarily, Christians believe just the opposite. Give all credit to God, because it is only through Him that things come to pass. I can't say I disagree with either. I will be first to admit that I have my best interests in mind. I make my own choices and live my own life. There is no external force to do this for me. However, the choices I make are not made entirely because I will them. God does have a hand, or rather; He DID have a hand in how decisions are made.

I believe in a creator. I believe we were fashioned in that creator's image. Why not in any other image? Because this creator identifies best with itself and knows that there are certain biological elements best suited for a creature of this magnitude of intellect. We do the same when we create alien races for sci-fi programs. The more human the race, the more we can relate and understand them. These species are then perceived with genetic traits that play into the way their general psyche works. When I ask you what a Vulcan would do in a situation, you could give a fairly educated guess based on what you know about them. But Vulcans aren't human, so how would you know what they would do?

Getting back to prayer. God created us and set the world spinning. We pray for inspiration to do what it is we need to do. The answers have already been set into place within ourselves. Prayer is only the beginning to our answers. It is the act of coming to that God for help. We look inward because we are taught that it is our heart that will guide us, for therein lies the Holy Spirit. We meditate. The next step is outlined by Brother Scott. We think through the issues at hand, we exercise the faith to carry on and trust that the answer will present itself, we work and struggle until it is found, and then we act on that answer. God doesn't actively present the answers, but He did give us the power to find the answers. If He knows all, then He has always known that we would come to these moments, so He created us to find the answers for ourselves. He deserves all credit after all.

So let's say that I've prayed and come to my conclusions. What am I to do when these conclusions counter what it is those living prophets tell me? If all I can trust in this world is that God exists and has some sort of plan, can I fully trust these men? When they tell me to find witness to the truths they preach and I don't find that witness, do I keep meditating until I come to their conclusions, or do I trust this instinctual truth that I believe is the answer God meant for me? The root of my problems, I think, is the simple fact that I can't easily trust people. For if I'm as vindictive and cruel as I know I am internally, yet able to call myself a genuine and honest person then the rest of THEM are just as hypocritical and unworthy of my trust. The truth is that people terrify me.