I have thicker posts in progress, I promise, but I should be writing a paper so I'm keeping it short, sweet, and silly today.
I often find myself blabbering on about hats, and fedoras in particular. What I wouldn't give to have a proper fedora to display on my nonexistent shelf of proper hats. Also wanted are a top hat, boater, tricorn, and bicorn. I have a bowler, thanks.
These hats would never be worn by yours truly because they are men's hats. Okay, so you can argue that the fedora was intended for women after their first appearance on Sarah Bernhardt in the play by the same name (denoting a princess, however, and not the hat) by Victorien Sardou in 1889. They have since transitioned, and this is probably the only gender swap from feminine to masculine in the history of fashion that is agreeable. Skinny jeans, however, are not agreeable. I saw a boy today showing off his twiggy legs in skinny jeans and I almost started to cry in memory of those who died in the Holocaust. What would the victims say now, knowing that people actually WANT to look like they woke up in Auschwitz this morning?
Off topic, getting back... Fedoras had a golden age. They've since had a revival, and it's this revival that I usually rant and rave about, but today I have to set down the ground rules. This is my betrayal. 'Fedoras' or rather trilbies (there is a BIG difference), I'm sad to say, need to be completely banned, even though I adore them. They look bad on women. While I love feminizing menswear (which worked well until the 1980s), fedoras are an accessory best left to the young bucks. However, even they have lost the rights to fedoras forever, save for a few exceptions.
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| FEDORA |
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| TRILBY CAN YOU SEE THE BLEEDING DIFFERENCE?! |
There is a certain gentleman who comes in frequently to my work every week wearing fedoras that match whatever suit he's wearing that day. It looks nice, clean, and classic. His suits are not always in the best of fit, but at least he knows how to wear his hat. Now there are also several young men who come in, also wearing fedoras. No. They're wearing trilbies. They more often than not have soul patches or goatees, band T-shirts, necklaces, and baggy jeans with chains hanging off their belt loops. This is precisely why you must all be banned from dress hats. Keep with something casual like a ball cap, or if you MUST go classic, stick with a flat cap.
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| A man wearing a fedora. |
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| A man wearing a trilby. |
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| ................ not a man................. |
Now there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a trilby, but they are under the same protection from now on as the fedora. Both hats should be worn in a dress ensemble. I might be lenient if you happen to be wearing something more than a T-shirt. A vest or a jacket would be acceptable over a T-shirt maybe, but a collared shirt would be optimal. The best choice, however, to accompany the more casual gent would be the flat cap. Add a tie and you're set for a fedora or trilby. They always go best with a tie. If you have doubts and think you might look like a vulgarian, you probably do and should promptly dispose of your lid.
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| Never. Ever. Do this. |
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| Yes, please. |
On a final note, as I gouge my eyes out with a highlighter after staring at a red and blue tartan flat cap on a goofy looking dunderhead, don't wear ostentatious patterns in said caps. Unless you belong to a clan north of the wall. They're horrendous. Keep it simple. Keep it stoic. Patterns are for ladies and foppish popinjays of the eighteenth century. Call me a traditionalist, but I have come to embrace fashion that doesn't let on too much about oneself. If you want to be even more interesting than someone with one too many holes in their heads or cartoons on their arms, don't give away anything by the fashions you sport. People HATE it when they can't automatically stick you in a category based on first look.
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