On the Films I Will not Allow my Roommate to Mock

Of the films that I own, there are a few that are particularly close to my heart. My roommate Krissy has a habit of making a mockery of films that we watch, whether or not we've seen them before, and while I'm generally alright with poking a bit of fun at movies, there is a pretty definite list of films she's not allowed to mock. This is that list. (As compiled from the movies I personally own in no particular order other than the way they sit my shelves.)

Newsies


Yes, this movie has a lot of silly singing and dancing by the likes of silly little dancing boys, I get that. That's about as funny as it gets for me, however, as it is a testament of juvenile diligence against The Man. I admire that. So just shut up. The punishment for mocking Christian Bale being quite un-Batman like is a dirty glare.

Amazing Grace
Memoirs of a Geisha
The Prestige


I suppose you could almost say that mocking anything with Michael Caine is punishable by death, but this movie wouldn't need him in it to be put on the 'no mockery' list. It's got Christian Bale (who I'd never EVER want to piss off) and Hugh Jackman (who can be totally manly and dance in a tux at the same time) to give it major cred with yours truly, but it's a Nolan flick, and yes, I'm a sucker for Nolan. Making fun of The Prestige will get you a lecture on your under appreciation for the art of illusion.

Gypsy

Let it be mentioned that movies before 1970 generally have the protection placed upon them, unless they are really REALLY bad. Monster flicks are bad. Musicals are not, generally speaking. If it's come out since the movie musical revival it's probably okay to spit on, but music and movies used to go hand in hand and were part of what made Hollywood so appealing in the day. You will probably never make fun of this in my presence, because I watch my musicals on me onesy.

The Lord of the Rings

Nothing else needs to be said but "Death. Lots and lots of death."

The Last of the Mohicans
The Secret Garden
Finding Neverland
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
Gladiator

Not much needs to be said about this one either, but death does also cross my mind. I mean, I know what's wrong with it historically, but you don't. So really it comes down to the fact that you wouldn't piss me off so much because this movie is awesome and shouldn't be mocked, rather any joke making on your part would only annoy me because you don't know the material or context. You'd only be punishing yourself.

The Jane Austen Book Club
Ever After
The Count of Monte Cristo
Casablanca
Roman Holiday
V for Vendetta
Gone with the Wind


May the wrath of the cinema gods be upon thee for slandering this film. I know I'm not the only one who would be cross with you. Punishable by public ridicule. I will invite the neighbors over to throw pies at you.

Vanity Fair
The Rocketeer
Children of Men
The Last Samurai
Kingdom of Heaven


See Gladiator. For that matter, it should be assumed that most all historical fiction is protected. Unless it is historical fiction that is derived from or inspired by myth, because Hollywood tends to foul those up the most. Troy, for example, is okay to mock because it's a crap movie. Please make fun of Troy. Also feel free to make fun of Pirates of the Caribbean. I really enjoy the first one, but it's asking for it.

The Patriot
The Golden Compass
Girl with a Pearl Earring
Sunshine Cleaning
Valkyrie


It's not a great movie, but I like it. And it's not so much that you shouldn't make fun because I like it, but I'm sort of scared to ever mock Nazis on TV in the case that they hear me and come blazing through the screen to take my soul to eternal Auschwitz or something. So it's not just me. You just really shouldn't mess with Nazis. Unless Quentin Tarantino has given you permission and you're watching Inglourious Basterds.

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Sense and Sensibility
Animated Movies


Animated movies are sort of just one big conglomerate on the list because I know you have respect for them as much as I do. However, this is especially true for traditionally animated movies. This is another mockery punishable by death. By all means, have your fun with CG movies. As long as they aren't Pixar. We don't defecate on Pixar in this house. Don Bluth films are also gold, as well as traditionally musical animations. Feel free to mock anything by Ralph Bakshi, who sucks at life. Take good care to use this privilege! It's the only time you get to make fun of LOTR, because his 1978 production of it is atrocious!