On Reacting to Receiving The Extended Edition of 'The Lord of the Rings' on Blu-Ray in the Mail

I have it. I am so excited to finally have it. The whole bleeding trilogy in ALL of its glory is mine, and this is how it's playing out.

About an hour and a half ago I arrived home, and looked all about my front porch. Nothing there. I did, however, at least get the last of the books I ordered on Amazon, so I was pleased enough to let it go for a moment to go inside and open that.

At four thirty five, I'm wondering where on the road my precious is, so I mosey over to Amazon's website to check the tracking information.

"TRACKING: DELIVERED. DON'T EXPECT TO HEAR FROM US AGAIN."

WHAT?! I didn't see it! Someone's stolen it! Some stupid fat hobbit has taken it! Maybe that one from yesterday, yes. We must FIND it, precious, and KILLS it!

Four thirty eight: I open my front door a crack. The eye searches for the precious. IT IS THERE! The hobbits have not stolen it after all! We takes it off the front porch and brings it inside. The package is shredded to pieces as we pull it from its sarcophagus. Oh, it is lovely. There is plastic all over it. TEAR IT! TEAR IT NOW!

Four forty: Oh my goodness, I have to go potty.

We goes potty.

OH MY GOODNESS! MY LOVE! WE HAS IT! IT SMELLS SO PRETTY AND NEW! And it has a map of Middle Earth on the inside flappy thing! TAKE A PICTURE!

Four forty five:  Set it on the shelf to take a picture to text to the world that I HAS THE PRECIOUS! But the stupid window is letting in too much sunlight so you can't clearly see the Blu-Ray symbol on it to signify that this is THE precious. Damn.

Put it on the desk in the front room where there is no direct sunlight. Natural light still looks bad. DAMN.

Go to room, close the blinds, and keep it mildly dark. TOO DARK. Damn damn DAMN!!!!

Lay down on the floor in the hall, turn on a single light, and pose precious for a picture. Good enough. Text to friends.

Four fifty: Find the best place to house the precious. With other movies? No. It is too good to rank with such filth. It must be the center of the WORLD. But then people will think I'm crazy. Okay. Settle on special place on movie shelf, intentionally propping it in a way that looks unintentional like I just threw it on there only I didn't because I LIKE TO LOOK AT IT!

Four fifty one: Decide to watch it now instead of all at once tomorrow.

Four fifty one and thirty seconds: NO! Must resist! Savor the moment! Watch tomorrow!

Four fifty two: Update Facebook status in glee, and start blog to try and keep mind from watching the precious. PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!

Five twelve: NOT RIGHT NOW IT ISN'T!